I got a new lawnmower. It was a bargain. It is normally a $500 lawnmower, but I got it for $123. I got it because it was a return, didn't come in its box, didn't come with its manual, and didn't have its battery charger. Sears was good enough to order the charger for free, and I was able to download the manual online. It works very well, and I am pleased. I ran out of juice before it did--and I have a decent size yard for a city person, and my yard is mostly weeds and were up to my knees. I got three quarters of it mowed.

The instruction manual was amusing and disturbing. I'm used to warning about not sticking your hand under the mower. However, Craftsman seems to assume their customers have the brains of mosquitoes. Don't mow over your legs. Don't mow over your children. Lawnmowers are meant to mow grass and nothing else. Don't try to mow in water. If the lawnmower breaks due to your stupidity, we aren't fixing it for free--even if your under warranty. What is scary is to think someone must have done these things for Craftsman to mention them.

You would think.However,it's also possible that the lawnmower manufacturer was also legally indemnifying itself against anyone thinking of trying to sue them. "You electrocuted yourself when your Mower came into contact with your garden pond? Sorry, but we did warn you!"

I don't know if you have the same thing,but in the UK our breakfast Cereal boxes always contain pictures of the product on the outside of the packaging - invariably depicting the yummy cereal sitting in a bowl,with a spoon in it. The picture always prominently contains the caption "serving suggestion". This is not because of the multitude of different ways of eating the cereal,but because it indemnify's them against anyone attempting to sue them for not including a bowl and spoon inside the packet,along with the cereal!

hehe,

Long time ago I read the "manual" for a thermo-flask, it was also this style.
"To clean the flask, use a damp cloth. Do not wash it with the dishes. When you want to clean your fridge, you don't put it in the bathtub, do you ?"
and it went on in this style.

Also years ago they had a warning on the very thick and very stable plastic foil around pounds of cheese : "Plastic foil not suitable for consumption"

I once read instructions on a hair dryer, "Don't use while taking a shower."

Another one I was trying to picture. Who would do this? It would totally defeat the purpose!

But probably they are trying to protect their butts from lawsuits.

In the information leaflet for my sleeping pills - it reads "may cause drowsiness"

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! (No purchase necessary. Details inside.)

On a Swedish chain saw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals. (what's up with these Swedes?)

And this one probably came without any safety instructions http://www.captainsafetysite.com/funnysafetyvideo.html?nav=antics

Nothing is "up" with them if they don't follow those safety instructions.

@PD Good one!

@Dutchy: OMG! You are kidding! They really did write that?

I didn't think anyone could top Val's findings.